Life Sucks

My mother has lived with me for nearly 9 years. Today I told her she needs to find somewhere else to live. It was not a pretty scene.

She's a diabetic and has other ailments. She does not take care of herself. Never has. She eats horrible foods and doesn't watch her sugar levels, etc.

This morning, she had a doctor's appointment. So did I. I cancelled my appointment so I could take her to hers. Since hers wasn't until 10 am, I thought we'd go to Panera Bread for breakfast. Once I finished getting dressed, I went out to get her and noticed a cereal box on the counter. I asked if she'd already eaten, she said yes. I said, "OK, I wanted to stop at Panera. You can watch me eat." I figured she'd get a cup of coffee and a muffin or a bagel. NO. While I'm ordering my spinach and bacon souffle' she's pacing back and forth in front of the display.

Our conversation went like this.

Me: "What are you doing?"

Mom: "Getting a Danish."

Me: "Didn't you already eat?"

Mom: "Yes. I wanna get a Danish."

Me: "But...you already ate."

Mom: "Don't worry about it."

I got my souffle' (and an orange scone for lunch) and sat down. I was irritated at this point. I didn't like her flippant attitude when I pointed out that she had already eaten. (OK, let's get this straight right now. She ate a soup-bowl full of Frosted Flakes. The bowl holds about 3 "servings" as stated on the box. The cardboard box the cereal came in had more of a nutritional value than the "breakfast" did.) She came and sat across from me. She had a small cup of coffee and a Danish that covered 1/2 the plate. It was cherry-cheese and had lots of swirled icing on it. She commented about how it looked.

I sat there with my fork halfway to my mouth and just lost it. I told her I couldn't do this any more.

She said, "What?"

I said, "I cannot sit here and watch you kill yourself anymore. You need to find somewhere else to live. You already ate this morning and look at the size of that thing. You don't eat properly, you take insulin and it doesn't work correctly."

She pushed the plate away and said she'd stop eating "bad" stuff.
I said, "It's too late. I want you out of my house. I cannot do this any more."

"Fine, I'll leave tomorrow."

Long story short. No, she's not leaving tomorrow. She has no where to go. She knows that and I know that. However, she IS leaving. I cannot do this any more. I cannot keep worrying about her health when she's not worrying about it. It is making ME sick. She does not do what the doctors tell her to do. She does not even pretend to remotely attempt to do what they tell her to do. She complains her back hurts. She complains she's always vomiting or has diarrhea or doesn't feel well. Yeah? Well, here's a news flash for you. If you eat junk all day and do nothing but lie around sleeping or sitting there watching TV and get no exercise, you're going to get sick.

My sister is no help. She's got problems of her own. I called her today to tell her what happened (i.e. MY side of the story) and her response was, "She sounds depressed." Well thank you Dr. Stupendous! I hope you don't charge me $200 for THAT consultation. No sh*t Sherlock. Ya think? (Kudos to me for not hanging up on her or telling her what I really thought.)

I hate talking to sister dear, because every time I call to discuss mom, I end up hearing all about sis's problems and then I just let my issues drop. I guess that means I'm a coward; I don't know. I just don't feel like hearing her swearing and yelling all of the time. So, instead, I burden my friends with my problems. As if they don't have their own problems, right? I'm surprised anyone ever bothers to call me. I feel like a broken record; I'm on the same line over and over again and someone needs to come over and tap the stereo to make the needle move again.

I think today the stereo got tapped. The needle is definitely moving again. I've got to call my friend Lara to see if she'll come over and look at my house. My house is falling down around me and I need a TON of work to fix it. I want to find out exactly what I need to do to it to sell it. I used to actually like doing stuff around the house. I installed all new ceiling fans and new faucets and things like that. Now, something as simple as cleaning is a burden. (As Lara will see when she comes over. I'll bet cleaning alone will increase the value by about $1,500.00!)

I don't know. It is July 21. If I can find an apartment for my mother and get her moved out and settled by September 1 (sooner, I hope), then maybe I'll be able to start doing things to the house that need doing. I've always heard Spring time is the best time to sell a house. Then again, with the recession and the fact that I live on the "wrong side of the mountain," I have no idea if it will ever sell.

But, on the up side, I'll have a clean, repaired house to myself. If I want to have friends over, I can without feeling uncomfortable about it. Who knows, maybe I'll just "borrow" one of those for sale signs for a few months, blame the no-sale on the recession and live happily ever after in my own "real" world. Goodness knows I've been trying to live in a fantasy world and it's not working. Maybe someday my hoped-for reality will knock on the door. I'm sure, with my luck, though, I'll be at the grocery store.

Too Funny

I was just on a brain-teaser sight and saw a post by "Star_Tiger" I have no idea who the person is, this was the first time I was on this site. However, I laughed out loud when I saw the tag on his/her signature. I had to cut and paste it to post it here. All I can say is "Yay, Grandpa!"

Star_Tiger

Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I can spit!

You're probably thinking, "uh, so can I," or "so what," or maybe even "gross, who cares?" However, it's a major break through that I CAN SPIT. I have Sjogren's (pronounced "show grins") Syndrome, my body attacks all of the moisture producing glands. I have extremely dry eyes and dry mouth. I cannot normally maintain enough moisture in my mouth to actually feel comfortable, I have to sip water all day. Because of the dry mouth, it's hard to eat solid foods without a high moisture content -- forget steak or granola bars.

I went to a new rheumatologist yesterday - Elizabeth Turner at Erlanger Hospital, B805, for those in the Chattanooga area in need of a GOOD rheumy. I had been to a different rheumy in the past; he had the bedside manner and compassion of a T-Rex in a bad mood. Anyway, Dr. Turner gave me an Rx for Evoxac and it actually works! I was taking something else, prescribed by T-Rex, but I would foam at the mouth for an hour then go back to being bone dry. I took one Evoxac last night about 7:00 PM and made it through the whole night without getting up to chew water.

(I refer to it as chewing water because that's pretty much what I do. I get a mouthful of water and start slushing it in my mouth working my lower jaw up and down instead of pushing it from cheek to cheek. I'm actually not the only one that does this. Others on the SjS forum have admitted to this.)

This is a wonderful feeling for me. I took another at 6:00 when I woke up and I've got spit! I can actually feel it coming out of the salivary glands and pooling under my tongue. Way cool!

You may not know how important saliva is, but it is immensely important. It helps boost your immune system. HUH? Well, dry mouth allows bacteria that your saliva would normally flush away to thrive. This leads to dental problems. Left untreated, the dental problems can lead to other medical issues. Did you know that the bacteria in your mouth responsible for gum disease can also cause heart disease? That's one of the reasons why you're supposed to see a dentist if your gums bleed when you brush or floss. That's an indicator of poor oral health; however, if the bacteria from your mouth enters your bloodstream, you can be in big trouble. It can attack your heart, your brain, or any of your other organs and shut you down. Nothing like needing a liver transplant because you didn't floss, huh?

So, anyone with dry mouth has to take extra care of their teeth. The last visit to the dentist I had we found 3 cavities. NOT a good thing. I have no intention of loosing my teeth. So, getting saliva flowing is an awesome thing!

Plus an added bonus, this should seriously cut down on the number of trips to the bathroom.

It just doesn't get any better than that!